Update April 18, 2010

I have not updated in a while. Life has been happening so I have not had a chance. My weight is now down to 327 lbs. It was a lot of work to get here, and the benefits are wonderful so far. I know I have a long ways to go, but I have lost a lot in some pretty major parts of my body. My rear is not as big and my hips are melting away. I am starting to feel so good about myself and it has made my outlook on life and chage a lot different then it was before. If I can do this with my weight, then I can do anything when it comes change.

A big move may be in store for us with in the next few months. In June, Den and I are going to go to Florida and check things out down there. We are considering a big move because we just can not make it here and maybe it will help with me as well. Life just is not getting us any place now. Money is not here and money is what we need to support our family. I think losing weight and loving myself made me realize that I don't need to be as close to my family to survive like I once thought. My heart is into this move, because Den really deserves this and so do my kids. We have to do what we have to do no matter how many people don't understand it. Not everyone has too, and I understand that not everyone is going to like it for the fact that they will miss the boys and Den and I, but we have to do what we have to do for our family. That is all there is to it. And if it does not work out, then we can always come back, but this feels right to me, where as before it did not. I held Dennis back from getting to do what he needed to do and find a better job for years because I needed or I thought I needed to be glued to my family. I don't need that, I am an adult and I can make it without them. Now that does not mean I do not love them and will not miss them, because will terribly, but I need to give Den a chance to support us the way he should be able to. Okay, going to make dinner. I walked 1.4 miles today on the treadmill and hope to walk another 1.4 miles before bed and then Den and I are going to walk while the kids are at school tomorrow.

April 6, 2010

FINALLY, I am past that 332 wall. I am now 329 and I am very excited and glad that it is past me. I am on my way to bed because I have the flu. So goodnight.

April 4, 2010

What a struggle Easter has been for me. There is all this candy around that I have been known to binge on. I have broke down and had a few pieces and feel so guilty for doing it. I also had a big salty dinner of ham, mashed potato's, sweet potato's and a roll with butter. Then had a snack of a ham sandwich. I feel awful because I don't want to resort back to old ways, but I am with my family and that is what our family does, eat. I finally bypassed my 332 this morning and got down to 330, but I think I gained it back today and that is totally frustrating, but I slacked today. Dennis did not. He ate a bit of ham and mashed potato's and green bean casserole, but he was hungry still after he ate and refused to eat anything else until we got home at 10 and had a salad. I need to stop doing what I did today, because I feel awful. Ham has tons of salt and there is ton of sodium in diet coke and I drank a lot of those today and I am probably going to retain a lot of water and I am sure my blood pressure is up. Why did I do this? Is it alright to do once in a while or is it like a recovering drug user just doing it every once in a while. I know that is not okay for them to do it, how can it be okay for me to do it. Ugh. I am struggling.

April 2, 2010

Still at that 332. That number is driving me mad. I am going to go back to work with Den, use the car and get my neice and drop the car off and walk home. I would like to walk there, but I got up too late and don't have time.

April 1, 2010

The past few days I have hit a wall. Two days ago I walked to Den's work and home, which was a good accomplishment for me. It made me sore, and I didn't realize how much walking outside on the sidewalk was so much harder then walking the treadmill. But I actually liked walking outside better. I would be doing it today, because it is such a nice day, but Damian is home and I am not taking him on a 3.4 mile walk lol. They are going to my sisters house tonight and tomorrow night, so I think that tonight Den and I may walk. I also started physical therapy for my back and knees. Yesterday was my first day, and I woke up with awful cramps in my legs. I feel like I pulled something, but it is most likley muscles that were never used before. My weight the other day was 332, and then I gained 3 lbs back, but am wondering if it could be muscle that I am gaining. I have not changed my diet, so I don't know where those three lbs came from, but this morning I am back to 332, thank goodness. I just want to get out of these 330's because it will be a big mile stone for me. I know I am going to hit this wall every now and again, and I am ready for that to happen, but it still makes me crazy lol. I will be walking three days a week to my physical therapy, which is 1.3 miles there and then walking back, so that will give me major exercize. I just need to get these cramps out of my legs.

March 29, 2010

The weekend was long and hard. It seems that way every weekend, just so much to do and I can't get me time in. I did just finish two miles today, and I want to do two more miles tonight after dinner. I am struggling with keeping going, and I need a bit more motivation and I also need some more support if anyone can throw it out my way.

March 27, 2010

I am down to 332 lbs. That long walk must have done more for me then what I know lol. I am so happy right now. 332, pretty soon the wii fit will be able to hold me and register my weight so I can play the fun games to help me lose the weight in a fun way lol.