March 29, 2010

The weekend was long and hard. It seems that way every weekend, just so much to do and I can't get me time in. I did just finish two miles today, and I want to do two more miles tonight after dinner. I am struggling with keeping going, and I need a bit more motivation and I also need some more support if anyone can throw it out my way.

March 27, 2010

I am down to 332 lbs. That long walk must have done more for me then what I know lol. I am so happy right now. 332, pretty soon the wii fit will be able to hold me and register my weight so I can play the fun games to help me lose the weight in a fun way lol.

March 26, 2010

I just finished 3 miles. I did 1.6 earlier this afternoon and just finished it out. I feel sick though. I lost that pound yesterday, but I think I need to bump up my routine a bit. After dinner, I may walk a bit more.....

EDIT.... Correction lol. I did 4.2. Okay, so math is not my strong point lmao. I did 1.6 earlier and then 2.6 just now which makes it 4.2. I was only planning on doing 3 miles total.

The two mile walk

I did a two mile walk today. It seemed to be a down day and I don't know why. Very hormonal, even though I have been taking my Prozac and xanax. I should have taken two xanax today, but I dealt with it. I just was not in a mood that anyone would have been able to stand. I hope tomorrow is a better day. It is 1 am and I should go to bed. I have a counseling appointment tomorrow that I really am looking forward to, because I missed the last on by accident. I also hit a wall. I am stuck at 335, I just hope I get a drop soon. I have been working my butt off for three days now, adding a new exercise into the mix for my belly. So even if it is not showing on the scale, I know it is helping me physically. I did realize that when I walked my first mile I did it at 1.6 mph, I am now doing it at 2.3 miles per hour and last night my last .1 mile I did it at 3.2mph. It is getting easier.

March 24, 2010

I just finished a mile about an hour ago. I am going to do a few crunches before bed, because I did them yesterday and OMG I feel it in my belly, which is a good thing. It is painful, but it is good for me. No pain, no gain lol right? I think I need to go to a chiropractor for my back, because it is just so tight. It does not really hurt, just tight. Tomorrow morning I am going to drink an energy drink and walk walk walk.

Just thinking

It is amazing what I have done already with myself with a bit of hard work and getting rid of my bad habits. I never would have thought that the state that I am in mentally and physically would ever be who I was. Living with obesity is hell on every aspect of someone's life. People who do not live with this disease, (yes, it is a disease) do nut understand what it is like to be me. For most of us, it is not a choice, it is an addiction. But unlike drugs or drinking, you can't live without food. Your brain tells you that you NEED it or you will go crazy. It is like, you want to love yourself and you know that you are slowly killing yourself, but you do it anyways. You see the looks from strangers, or the way your kids struggle to get their arms around you and you do it anyways. I remember the first time Domonik, when he was about 4, called me fat because he didn't understand what it ment. He heard me talking, and he just said it. It was like a knife through my heart. Then Damian just recently asked me, "Mommy, whats wrong with your belly". My kids will love me regardless, Dennis will love me regardless, but I have to love me so I can live. I will not do any good to my family in the ground. My life is just starting, I want to ride the rollar coasters again, I want to play sports again, I want to go by cloths and fit in them. I want that all, and I want it so bad that I am willing to work my butt off so hard that I can't stand it anymore. My life can only go up from here. There is no more downhill for me, and there is no more excuses from me. Food, for comfort, is not worth leaving my husband and children by themselves.

March 22, 2010

It is 1 pm and I have already did a 2.3 mile walk, crunches and girlie push-ups. I was so tired this morning and not motivated at all, but I had to do it. This weekend was a blah weekend, even though I have lost some weight. Yesterday was a picnic at my mom and dad's house for my neices birthday and I had a burger, potato salad and pasta salad with baked beans. So I need to work that off so I don't gain it back. I want to do two more miles today.

March 21, 2010

Well, I am down to 335. I can not believe it. I woke up this AM and weighed myself. I have now lost 20 lbs. My hips seems as though they have slimmed. I put a pair of pants on that I have had a few years and, last summer they were tight, and I put them on today and they are not as tight, I am so happy!!!!!

Almond Milk

I was very hesitant about getting this milk because I am very weird about my milk. Whole milk is what I buy for the kids because they need the extra fat in their diets. So since I started my diet, I don't use the whole milk because of the amount of calories in one cup of it. I saw a commercial for almond milk and I got it and it is WONDERFUL. It has a nice taste to it, not like almonds per say, but a milky creamy taste that you would expect from a whole milk from a cow. Almond milk has about 65 calories for 8 oz compared to whole milk 150ish for 8 oz. I use it for my smoothies, cereal, instant breakfast, just a drink with a cereal bar for a snack. It is a great product.

March 19, 2010..I did it

I finally got past the 340's. Getting past the 350's went by fast. I started at 355 (well it was354.8 so I say 355). I am 338, and I am HAPPY because I will never see that 340 again. GOOD BYE!!!! lol I am going to do my two miles today, and push myself alittle harder because I didn't work out yesterday.

March 18, 2009

I know it says the 19th, but it is after midnight and I didnt get a chance to post before then.

I woke up still at my 340lbs. I just can not get past that 340 mark, even after walking two miles yesterday. I did not get a chance to exercize today, but I did eat good today. I hope the not working out does not cause me to gain anything, but atleast I ate good still. Tomorrow is a new day and a day that I have more time to spare.

March 17, 2010

Today was a good day. I walked 1.12 miles on the treadmill with the speed bumped up a bit. It felt good today, and my legs are now starting to get use to the walk. My weight is down to 340, which is better than the 355 that I started out as a few weeks ago. This walking stuff is getting to be second nature to me, and I want to start the new obsession of exercize than the old obsession of eating food that I should not have been eating. I want to try to walk again tonight before bed and maybe take a walk outside tomorrow in the nice cool air. Today I wore a sweatshirt over my t-shirt and a towel wrapped around my neck. I have not lost any weight for a few days, but I still walked becuase it was good for me and I need to keep going. So I kept going until my mile was up and a bit more. It is less than a struggle like it was a few weeks ago, but the sweat and burning of the legs felt good.

Where it all started.

I was born in Steubenville, Ohio on December 3, 1980. My childhood was good, but there were a few struggles that I will not get into, but I believe caused me to be who I am today. That means the good and the bad of me. As a small child, I was not overweight. I started to became overweight at the age of 12. That is when it all started. Being overweight was always a struggle growing up because many children my age were not nice. I was picked on because I was different and no one really cared. That began my obsession of eating. My family is overweight. My father's side has weight issues along with diabetes and high blood pressure. By the time I finished high school, I was over 200 lbs. As time went by, I gained more and more until I hit my highest weight of 354 pounds. That was about a month ago or so.

Food became a drug for me. It was my best friend because it was always there for me. When I was happy, sad, mad.... whatever, I ate and ate and ate. It made me happy when no one else or nothing else could.

On January 26, 2006, I was scheduled to have gastric bypass. I was probably 50 lbs smaller than I am now. A week and a half before my surgery, I found out I was pregnant. I had a beautiful son on September 8, 2006. He is my second son, but the reason why I mention him and not Domonik first is because I believe Damian saved my life from this surgery. Looking back, I really believe that I am alive now because of my son.

As time went by, I gained about 50 more pounds or so. My weight caused medical issues, of course, and I had to have about 5 surgeries and finally ended in a hysterectomy. I am a diabetic, my blood pressure is high and my knee is jacked up with arthritis. I am sure that there are other issues I have. But now it is time to stop all of this. I am killing myself and I do not want to cut my life short because I want to eat until I can't stand to move. I realized, with help from others, that I am important and I need to live for myself and my family.

I have goals for myself. These goals seem impossible to reach, but I can reach them with the right support and love from those around me. That is if you all can stand my nasty spelling lol, I think you guys can be part of this journey that I have began a month ago. It is going to get hard, and I am going to want to quit. But one thing that I noticed out of my life lol is I like it when people push me and encourage me with wonderful words. I obsess with seeing if I can make sure I get responses from my post to make sure that what I am writing about means something to someone. I also want to encourage others to think about what I am doing and not take for granted their good health because it is something that I threw away and want to get back for the first time in my life. I will be posting my weight and my goals and what I did for the day. If anyone has any suggestions on what I should try, please, let me know. Being healthy is new to me and I may not be getting it right. Hope to see you all reading, and thank you for the kind words I have got already.